


Freak Lawnmower Accident

by Netgirl_y2k



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-23
Updated: 2009-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-03 15:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Netgirl_y2k/pseuds/Netgirl_y2k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A heartwarming tale in which the entire cast of Torchwood dies horribly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freak Lawnmower Accident

When Ianto died, Gwen could almost convince herself it had been an accident. After all, that business with the lawnmower could have happened to anyone. They replaced him with a coffee machine, which was almost as efficient as Ianto while being slightly less emo, and carried on as normal.

As for Tosh, well, nobody could have foreseen her tripping over that bucket and getting herself covered in special sauce. And, if nothing else, it highlighted the fact that nobody had fed the pterodactyl since Ianto's untimely demise.

Owen's death was Jack's fault. Jack, after all, was the one who had trained Gwen in the use of semi-automatic weapons and then fucked off, leaving her alone in the hub with Owen and many, many guns. As Gwen dragged Owen's corpse into the morgue, she contemplated how mad Jack was going to be when he found out most of his team were dead.

*

Jack's thoughts were far from Torchwood, he was busy exploring the depths of the TARDIS in between bouts of shagging the Doctor. He looked at the closed door with the words **'DO NOT OPEN. I MEAN IT ROSE'** written on it in felt tip.

"Don't open-"

Jack opened the door and found himself engulfed in a bright yellow light.

"-that door!" the Doctor finished, looking down at the pile of ash on the floor that had until recently been Jack.

"Martha," he called, "exactly how good a doctor are you?"

*

Gwen looked around the empty hub and wondered if she should advertise for replacement staff. Jack probably wouldn't notice the difference if they looked similar enough. Before this thought could ferment, she was shot in the head by the remarkably reanimated (again) Suzie Costello. Suzie fed Gwen's body to the weevils before recruiting Rhys and Detective Swanson, and along with the pterodactyl the three of them ran Torchwood like a proper top-secret organisation.

The first thing they did was to take the bloody fairy lights out of the SUV


End file.
